


what might have been

by baobabie



Category: Queen B (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28339299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baobabie/pseuds/baobabie
Summary: "I just--I don't want to be alone tonight."“You're not alone,” Ian says softly. “I’ll stay here with you.”A comfort fic with angst mixed in. This is a quick reimagination of MC’s night in with Ian Kingsley at Chapter 10, following the reveal of Benji’s “adoration station”.
Relationships: Professor Kingsley/Main Character (Queen B)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The original scene was great, but it was sorely lacking in the “comfort food and snuggles” department, so I started writing this fic to make up for that. However, the plot got away from me at some point and it turned angsty at the end. So if you'd like to keep things relatively fluffy, I recommend only reading the first chapter.
> 
> I named my MC Bella and I picked the Asian Ian sprite. My headcanon is that he’s of Japanese descent, and I briefly mentioned that here. 
> 
> Happy reading!

After tossing Ian’s spaghetti-covered clothes into the laundry machine, Bella had rummaged through her closet, searching for anything that could fit him. In an ideal world, there would be nothing wrong with having a shirtless Ian Kingsley alone in her dorm. Unfortunately, they did _not_ live in that world, and as he said, there would be no funny business tonight.

In the end, she settles on her trusty old hoodie, a gray cotton-polyester blend that was several sizes too big for her, but was a bit too tight on Ian; it clung to his chest and arms, but the resulting visual wasn’t so much suggestive as it was hilarious. 

Based on the way Ian was pouting, as he inspects his new outfit in the mirror, he was thinking the exact same thing.

Bella fights a smile as she leans against the doorway, watching him. “That’s the largest thing I have, honest,” she says.

“Well, it's infinitely preferable to wearing my stained shirt," he says, before looking at her with a soft smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” she says easily. “Besides, I like seeing you in my clothes.”

He raises an eyebrow at that, but the corners of his lips remain quirked up. Bella just grins at him in response before flouncing over to their living room. 

Since the burnt noodles were no longer salvageable, they had decided to order takeout from Raku instead. Ian had insisted on it; it was one of the best Japanese food places in New York, he told her, and there was a mildly affronted look on his face when Bella admitted she'd never even heard of it. He insisted on covering the entire cost too, considering he was the one who burned their dinner in the first place. She was more than happy to oblige.

Bella lets out a pleased sigh as she opens the lid of her spicy niku udon, the smell making her mouth water. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was, and she dug in eagerly.

Ian watches her carefully. "How is it?"

"Holy shit," she says, in between mouthfuls. "Maybe this is just the hunger speaking, but this has got to be the best udon I've ever had. Can I have some of yours?"

"Go ahead," Ian says, pushing his curry udon towards her, and she shoots him a grateful grin before getting right into it. "And I'm glad you like them. They're easily my favorite Japanese restaurant here. Their food reminds me a lot of my grandmother's cooking, back when we lived in Japan."

"Your grandmother must have been an amazing cook."

"She was," he agrees, the smile returning to his face as he continues to watch her eat, seemingly forgetting about his own meal.

It was at this moment that Cutiepie decided to make his presence known. The pug waddles his way over before making a beeline for Ian and begging for his attention (honestly, relatable). He stands up on his hind legs, showing them his best puppy dog eyes in an effort to get some of their food into his own mouth. 

“Oh my god, I _just_ fed you,” Bella says. 

Ian just laughs delightedly, before bending down and scratching Cutiepie’s ears. At the same time, with his other arm, he sneakily raises his meal higher so that it was out of the dog’s reach. Cutiepie, like any other sensible living being, basks at being the subject of Ian’s undivided attention, and he wags his tail so vigorously it looked like it was going to fall off.

“How can you even say no to this adorable face?” Ian coos, his smile widening. 

If you ask Bella, Ian’s pout can easily beat that of any dog, but she stays silent. Instead, she rests her cheek on her palm, taking on the scene in front of her. 

In a surprising show of agility, Cutiepie then makes a jump for the food. Ian’s reflexes are faster, though, and with a yelp, he pulls back the food just far enough for the dog to miss. 

“Cutiepie-- _no!_ Bad dog,” he says, and Bella couldn’t help but laugh at his betrayed expression. A soft feeling settles on her chest, which only grew stronger as she watches him chastise Cutiepie for making a fool out of him. 

He was relaxed and carefree, so different from how he usually held himself around her. Bella found herself wishing everyday would be like this. Any shit that Poppy threw at her would be insignificant as long as she knew at the end of the day, she could go home and Ian would be there waiting for her. 

But, that wasn’t the world she lived in. 

The reality was this: he was her professor, and the only reason he was here was because of everything that had gone down with Benji. He wouldn’t be here otherwise, Bella thinks, remembering the way he had brushed her off in his office. 

Still, she grants herself the permission to at least enjoy this moment at least, because god knows when it would happen again. 

Ian glanced at her, then shook his hand in front of her face. 

“Hmm?” she says.

“Where did you go?”

“...What?”

He smiled at her. “You get this dreamy expression in your face, whenever you’re lost in thought. Your eyebrows furrow right here,” he says, pointing to the spot between her brows. “It’s...adorable.” 

Bella laughs, blushing slightly at the compliment. She shakes her head as she lightly brushes his hand off her face. Neither of them let go, though, and the warmth emanating from their linked hands is enough to make her heart beat a little faster. “It’s nothing. I’m just...happy that you’re here.” 

“...So am I,” he admits.

Neither of them say anything after that. Ian merely continues looking at her, the longing palpable in his eyes, and Bella can’t do anything but meet his gaze. She leans forward, just an inch, as if to test the waters. 

His breath hitches, but he doesn’t move away. 

Emboldened, Bella leans in further.

And then Cutiepie jumps on to the couch, still intent on his udon agenda, and starts yapping at Ian again. This effectively breaks whatever spell they were under, and they both jolt away. 

Ian clears his throat and gets up from the couch. “I’ll feed him. Where do you keep your food again?”

“Bottom drawer right beside the fridge,” Bella said, before frowning at Cutiepie, that adorable cockblocker. The pug just tilts his head right back at her and, okay, it is scientifically impossible to stay angry at a face that cute. 

They finish their meal quickly after that. As she’s throwing their containers to their trash can, Bella tries and fails to stifle a yawn.

Ian shoots her an assessing look. “You need to get some rest,” he said. “You’ve had a long day, to say the least.”

She can’t disagree with that. “I probably should,” she says, stretching slightly, not missing the way Ian glances at the clock.

“And I should probably go too,” he adds.

Oh, that she could disagree with. She watches sullenly as he gathers his clothes and moves towards the door, wanting him to stay but not wanting to start an argument.

Still, there’s the slightest hesitation in his steps that encourages her to just go for it.

“Sleep with me?” she asked quietly.

Ian freezes. “Bella--”

“Not like that,” she said, with a wry smile. “I just--I don’t want to be alone, tonight.”

And perhaps it’s because of the way her voice catches, but the moment she says this, Ian’s resistance crumbles and he makes his way over to her immediately. He opens his arms, and Bella automatically settles into the hug.

She missed this. 

“You won’t be,” he says into her hair. “I’ll stay here with you.”

 _Only for tonight_ , she thought. But whatever, at this point, she’ll take anything.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally, they settle on her bed. They fill the time with light conversation; they talk about their favorite TV shows (unsurprisingly, Ian is a huge fan of The Crown and The Flame), their skincare routines ("While it is important to take care of oneself," he says, "having a daily 10 step skincare routine just seems excessive"), and how Ian is legitimately thinking about taking a cooking class after today. Bella suspects that this is his attempt at lulling her to sleep in a platonic manner. It works, though. Over time, her lids feel heavier and heavier. 

The entire time, Ian keeps a considerable distance between the two of them, even as he rests on his left forearm to look at her.

She supposes he intended it to come across as some sort of protective gesture, but really, it’s hard to fall asleep knowing that an attractive man is right there watching you. Bella opens one eye to look at him. “Are you just going to watch me while I fall asleep?”

He laughs. “That was the plan, yes.” Then, his gaze turns more serious and he drops his voice. “You can drop the act with me, you know.”

Bella blinks at him. 

“I know you’re strong,” he continues, “but you just went through a harrowing ordeal. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

She tries to smile, but it feels unconvincing even to her. “I’m that obvious, huh?”

“Not really, no,” he says. “It was an educated guess. You’re harder to read than you think.”

Bella averts her gaze, before thinking _what the hell_ and snuggling in closer to his chest. He stiffens, but after a moment, he wraps his arms around her and his fingers start playing at her hair. The notion of it, along with the cedarwood scent of his cologne, is so comforting that she closes her eyes again. 

She sighs contentedly. Ian's arms are warm and strong, and for the first time today she feels...safe. She's overcome with a feeling of tranquility that only comes to her whenever she’s wrapped up in Ian’s embrace, and she’s not sure how she survived without it for this long. 

“It’s just a lot to take in,” Bella says quietly, her eyes still closed. “I never expected Benji to go that far. And what he did wasn’t even _that_ terrible, in the grand scheme of things. What if the next RA does something even worse, or…”

“I will do _everything_ in my power to stop anything like that from happening again,” he says, and he sounds so determined that she almost believes it. “I’ve already talked with the dean about enacting stricter background checks for RAs, for one, and that we need to revisit whether RAs should have access to every person’s room."

"I don't think the dean will agree to the latter bit."

"In light of today's events, she should at least consider it." Despite herself, Bella smiles. She didn't need to look at him to know he was frowning. 

"...Thank you, Ian. I'm just glad I have you looking out for me."

He sighs. "If there’s anything I want you to take away from today, Bella, it’s that you’re not alone. I, and the rest of your friends, will always be there for you.”

“Friends,” Bella repeats, hollowly. “If you’re talking about people like Penelope and Taylor, then you should know they’re only with me because they support my campaign to be #1. I wouldn’t exactly call them genuine friends.”

“Zoey, then,” he says, without missing a beat. “Although, perhaps friends isn’t the right term. I’ve...seen the way you look at her. I can tell you both mean a lot to each other.”

Something in his voice gives her pause. “Are you jealous?”

“I have no right to be.”

“That’s not an answer.”

He smiles faintly down at her. “Zoey Wade is a remarkable student and, based on what I’ve seen, an even better friend. I’m happy that she’s there for you, especially for the times that I can’t be. Or...shouldn’t be.” 

Bea doesn’t know what to say to that, so settles for laying her head down on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “You’re not going to stay the night, are you?”

He hesitates. “No. I’ll step out when you’re asleep,” he says.

She expected that. It doesn’t make her feel any better though.

“Okay,” she says. 

He doesn’t respond to that. When she looks up again, their eyes meet, and she’s momentarily caught by off-guard by the intensity of his gaze, as if his eyes were expressing all the affection that he couldn't say out loud. Slowly, he raises his hand and traces her cheek.

“I...care for you, Bella, and I’ll stop at nothing to make sure you’re safe,” he says, and she smiles. “Even if...even if it’s from someone like me.”

Her smile disappears. The resignation in his his voice makes her sit up. "Oh god. Not this again."

"Bella..."

"I'm an adult, Ian. I make my _own_ decisions. Why do you always act like you know better than me?"

"Because as your professor, and as someone almost an entire decade older than you, I _should_." 

“Shouldn't _I_ at least get a say in what’s best for me?” she says, incensed.

He looks away from her. “It’s not that simple,” he says. “Choices don’t exist in a vacuum.”

She laughs disbelievingly. "So we're back to square one," she says. "After everything that happened today. You're giving up on us again."

"It's the right thing to do," he says, almost like he's convincing himself. "Just as Benji took advantage of his position as an RA, one might say I'm taking advantage of my position as your professor--"

"You are nothing like Benji," Blue says, unable to stop her voice from wavering. "Okay? _Nothing_." 

From the way he looks at her, it's clear he's not convinced.

"That's the infatuation talking," he says. 

"This is--you're ridiculous. You were supposed to make me feel better," she grits out. "Why are you doing this now?" 

He squeezes his eyes shut. "The timing could have been better," he acquiesces. "And I am so sorry for that, Bella. But you have to admit that what I'm saying is right."

"I don't _have_ to do anything," she snaps, before moving away farther from him. The loss of his warmth is like a physical ache. She wraps her arms around herself, but it's a poor substitute. "So, what, are you breaking up with me? Is that it?"

He looks at her for what feels like an eternity, and then he nods, like the very act of it was physically painful. "I am. We're--we're over, Bella."

She stares at him. "You're terrible at comforting people, do you know that?"

"I have to be responsible here. For the both of us."

The laugh that comes out of her is bitter. "Just admit that you're taking the easy way out."

"There is _nothing_ easy about this," he says, and when she looks up at him, there's a sheen to his eyes as well. "You know that."

Bella turns away. "Just go. I don't--I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"...Alright," he says, quietly, and she hears him move away. "I--for what it's worth, I really am sorry."

She can't help it; she looks back again, just as he's right in front of the door. This time, there's no hesitation as he gets out of the room, and out of her life as she knows it.

Bella burrows deeper into herself, and wills herself not to cry.


End file.
